Deal Breakers in Dating

Part 4/5: Win-Fast Lose-Fast Dating

 Read Part 3/5

Deal breakers in dating 

By now, you’ve already established who you are, what you want, and the questions you want to ask. You’re now all equipped and it’s time for implementation! When you start Guillotine dating, you will gain insight on your dating market, refine your Swot Analysis, and solidify your hard vs. soft deal breakers. This gives you the confidence to filter your dating prospects with gentle goodbyes until you find “the one.” We call this the win-fast lose-fast approach to dating.

The learning phase

There is a lot of learning involved in Guillotine Dating, especially when you first start. Everything from the questions you choose to ask, the order in which you ask them, and how you ask them, need to be crafted to serve your personality and dating goals. The best way to develop this is to experiment. As you start having conversations, you will gain insight on your target market and how to better position yourself. You can even gain a better understanding of yourself and your own goals in this process. With that being said, after dating for some time, it doesn’t hurt to review Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 to make adjustments if needed. Here are some questions to ask yourself after you’ve dated for a while. 

Your dating goals and profile

Regarding your dating goal and profile: based on the conversations you’ve had, does your dating goal and profile align with your dating market? Are you feeling more confident or more lenient about your deal-breakers? What about your “must-haves?” In other words, given the people you’ve been meeting, what is the rarity of what you’re looking for? If there is a huge mismatch, something needs to change. Either you should adjust your goals to be more realistic or you should be more creative with your search (see below). What we mean is that, unless you change your dating pool, don’t expect your dating outcome to be substantially different from what you've already experienced. 

Your dating pool

Regarding your dating pool: based on what you’ve seen so far, what are ways in which you can expand your dating circle even more? Did you notice a few more qualities or flaws about yourself? Is there more self work to be done? Are you properly selling the qualities you do have? Did you discover a new type of person you might be attracted to? Could your dating profile expand a little? Did you land on a niche community you can join or a better dating app? Think about ways to expand your dating circle even more. 

Dating communication

Regarding the questions you ask: is there a question that is important to you but always seems to trigger people? Could you change the way you ask the question or the timing? Have you noticed that some questions are better openers than others? Based on the answers you received, are there some questions that don’t really serve your goals? Based on a certain experience, is there a question you never thought to ask before but should? Take some time to refine the what, why, and how of the questions you ask. Need help opening up? We've developed Guillotine Life: Dating Card Game.

Moving on

After the initial learning phase, comes the more intentional conversations and the goodbyes. Remember that the point of this process is to find the one person who matches your dating profile, so it’s important not to waste time with the ones who don’t. So be prepared to end dating conversations when you spot irreparable incompatibilities. Please note that this goes both ways, so as you ask your questions, be upfront about your shortcomings and qualities to let people make their own decisions about you. Build the discipline muscles of being true to yourself; this means walking away when you’re not a good fit for someone or vice versa. Compatibility shouldn’t be forced. Unless both parties agree to do self work with a clear plan on how to compromise towards a common goal, there is no need to force things. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

P.S. Remember to be gentle and firm with your goodbyes, check out this IG page for ideas on how to say goodbye. Full disclosure: we aren't affiliated with them, we just find their content interesting.

Choosing the one

For some, making a selection will be an extremely easy task. We use anything from gut feelings, signs, or logic to make our selection. For others, making a selection is rather difficult, so here is a tool that might help: the 37% rule, a mathematical formula on how to pick “the one." Please us know what you think!

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